Here now, travelling alone, on a 33 hour train journey from Xi'an, central China to Lhasa, Tibet, I am the only westerner on this train, surrounded by a sea of Chinese and Tibetans,.. and here in my sleeper cabin I am among three Chinese ladies and four Tibetan teenage girls,.
This is not an experience for pleasure!! Despite the beauty of the rolling mountain scenery and herds of yaks out of the window, I am thoroughly derailed from my own comfortable space and I ask myself how I got myself into this situation,….. Why didn't I just fly to Lhasa? Why did I choose to take the train? What was I thinking?
Truth is, another part of me, the part of me that knows there is larger version of myself, requires to be well stretched and tested now and again, although I'm not in agreement with this idea right now, I know I will feel pleased to have survived this test once it is over.
I am now stuck and confined in this cabin with this lot who are continuously snacking and chattering!!
All kinds of chatty squeals and shrills pierce my hearing, as the hours roll by,.. It is me that must adjust myself as my environment is not going to change for many hours to come,… Luckily I slept well last night, despite this chattering that continued late into the night, even as sleep crept in and even as they all awoke, it went on,… a culture where constant connecting and exchanging seems the status quo.
I watch my mind as it goes into judgment about them from time to time; how attached they are to their constant snacking; all kinds of greasy, dripping items are being pulled continuously from plastic packets and consumed around me.
Such gluttony, such mindlessness, I hear my thoughts,.. But I catch myself! I know I cannot allow myself to indulge in judgment, this will only make this experience even more difficult. I remind myself of the times when I've been attached to food, when I felt so uncomfortable in myself that the only thing that brought me a measure of illusory peace, was that ideal and familiar snack or drink,.. and I was convinced that I needed it, less something terrible might happen to me if I didn’t have it.
I am in no position to be judging.
I attempt to access some inner resources and dig deep for the wealth of mindfulness training I've received over the years - now is the time I really need it - can I reach for it and access it when I feel so displaced? And when what I truly want to do is escape the huge discomfort of my mental perception of the present moment.
Perhaps it's because I'm on a train to Tibet, a picture of the Dalai Lama flashes in my mind; the face of kindness and compassion - these qualities may be the only antidote to my current space - genuine compassion for myself and those around me; as we are all doing whatever we know best to endure and inhabit this human experience.
I ask myself what might be the purpose for finding myself here? What might life wish me to discover? How might I use my mind now in way I had never previously considered, to ease this moment?
One of my own deepest sensitivities is the fear of being watched, particularly by strangers. And now as I am the only foreigner here on the train, I am a subject of great interest. I feel my every move being noticed and monitored, which is then largely aggravated my mind as I'm aware I have this sensitive condition, and this makes my momentary existence feel highly restricted - trapped here, a prisoner of my own mind patterns, perhaps more so than my environment.
These sweet, kind Tibetan teenage girls are helping me; one of them can speak a little English, she warns me that I may begin to experience a reaction to the rising altitude, as we are gradually climbing to the highest plateau on earth, now at 5233m above sea level,… they offer me watermelon, and inform me that this will help to alleviate the altitude reaction symptoms. I'm pleased to say, that as of now all my vital systems are functioning optimally. It's only my mind that tortures me, I remain watchful of myself, how will I do in my survival of the final 12 hours to Tibet by train,….
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